Posts tagged gardening

I have declared jihad on my deer.

On Saturday we went up to Lowes and bought this stuff called Deer Off. A nice lady working at Lowes wanted to be helpful but got scared when faced with my wrath and hatred upon the deer. She fled when I started trying to make all deer worldwide explode with my mind. I hate the damn deer.

I took it home and this stuff is the foulest, nastiest, most awful stuff in the history of mankind. It’s basically coagulated deer blood and it comes out of the bottle in concentrate. Lumpy. It is a sort of brain-puree pinkish color. The smell is something to believed — it’s easily the most foul stuff I have ever contacted and I have wiped many a dirty diaper full of baby butt. It is horrible.

My hatred for the deer saw me through. It was mixed in the spray bottle and put down on my most edible, tasty plants until those suckers were dripping with coagulated deer nasty. One of my roses looked pinkish white when I was done. The entire yard stank of this stuff that claims, oh yes it claims, to dry odorless to humans. I certainly wouldn’t eat anything that smelled like that.

Once I was done, we went off to see Iron Man 2.

When I walked out of Iron Man 2, it was raining.

And to add insult to injury, a deer came along and ate more heads off another day lily. I hate them. I hate them.

Some of them are blooming right now (yay) but I am just furious. God wants the deer to have a buffet. Next up: the hamburger sign with “THIS WILL BE YOU” on it.

The world is too depressing to blog about and it’s thunderstorming outside, so here’s something real simple: a quick gardening update.

I have a little 3×3 plot for organic vegatable gardening. One of the squares doesn’t get enough sunlight during the day to grow adequately so that leaves me with 8 squares. Last year I had some massive vegatable planting over reach — I tried to start the seeds myself, I started too many seeds, etc. This year I decided on:

- 1 plant/foot.

Now, I am pretty certain if I went for density I could do 2 plants/foot, but this year I am trying careful planting. I bought my plants instead of started them from seeds so I don’t have to deal with hardening the plant. And beside, at Behnke’s, a plant is $1.69. Each plant already has a stake and is tied loosely to its stake to guide it properly as it grows. I have:

- 3 cherry tomato plants, each of different breeds to see how cherry tomatos do.
- 1 hungarian pepper
- 1 regular green pepper
- 1 jalapeño
- 1 cherry bomb pepper
- 1 pickling cucumber

Note the one cucumber. Last year the cucumbers ran amok and I had all cucumbers and nothing else. I had too many cucumber plants. This year, I reduced them by 2/3rds and already staked it so that it cannot go anywhere. Also, no herbs this year. While herbs grow fantastic, really fantastic, unbelievably fantastic, unless you’re really a huge fan of herbs and you cut them constantly, all that happens is they overgrow and overrun and then die.

I was tempted by the eggplant but no one I know eats eggplants. No squash for the same reason. I considered a zucchini but that means a lot of zucchini and I hear they overgrow worse than cucumbers.

We’ll see how this works out. I have serious high hopes for the cherry tomatos. Not only will they get cooked, but they’ll get eaten right off the vine. One thing from my childhood — fresh grown cherry tomatoes off the vine!